My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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