In America we eat man semen.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
