honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
