seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
