The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You made out with two different species that night
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
