HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
