How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just want nice things and good sex
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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