me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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