and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
