the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
