after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
