Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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