He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
