I think I just saw someone hide a body.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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