Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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