It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
They have beer where we have blood.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
