i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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