Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
