did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
