i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
