Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
