well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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