Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
