after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
