dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The convent might be a nice break from real life
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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