New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
