I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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