This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
