wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
