Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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