I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
