my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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