my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
