I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You were trust falling into bushes
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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