My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
