My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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