I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
