so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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