You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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