i just had sex bonerless
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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