the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
