I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
