i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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