I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
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