Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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