Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
