i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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