it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
