is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
