Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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