um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
